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デビーちゃん [userpic]
01/31 200801310414
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at June 30th, 2008 (04:54 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : thoughtful

Why do humans forget?

Tommorrow's homework
A promise with a friend
Dinner you ate two nights ago
The lyrics to the song you supposedly loved
The lines you rehearsed many times
The choreography you danced many times
The name of the person you met just recently
The deadline of the manuscript
The wide knowledge you learned from someone
Fun memories
Painful memories
Memories of regret
Embarrassing moments
Sad memories
Memories of crying so much your eyes got swollen
Memories of nearly laughing yourself to death
Memories of liking someone
Memories of being loved by someone
Memories of loving someone

Is the part of my brain that controls my memory not working properly?

The other day, my dog died and I went back home.
Once I arrived, I went straight to the small altar my father made.

His name did not match how big he really was but Chibi's bones were placed in a small jar. Beside it was the blue leash that was used when he was taken on walks, the expensive dog food that he ate as a treat sometimes and a faded Polaroid picture of him peeping out his cute face from his dog house.

Several drops of tears fell.

I gave a prayer for a few minutes and walked away.
As expected, I still did not know what to do.

Several days have passed since Chibi died and during that time I went to Kyoto with friends, did a live with NEWS, shoot a drama with Uchi and did a lot of different things.

During those times I completely forgot about Chibi.

I'm not saying that I should have been thinking about Chibi every second of the day, but while I was doing things like laughing, singing and dancing I felt like it was gradually fading and then sometimes by someone saying the word “dog” I would remember, “Oh right. Chibi died.”

And here I am now, suddenly remembering while I am alone and crying as I write this composition.

Last time, I caused everyone to worry so I wanted to tell you all I'm fine, but then I became unsure of where to start writing from.

I start thinking things like, when we unexpectedly remember a memory of someone's death, is it because that person wants us to remember?

Recently my little sister's child was born, my friend's family's dog got pregnant, and other lives were born…

One by one my memories are increasing.

There is no sense in regretting the times we cannot bring back so try with all my might to live now without regrets, but honestly, I cannot do that and saying something cool like that would become a lie so I will not say that. Therefore I will continue regretting the times that I cannot bring back, but I am hoping to live today and tomorrow by trying to make the things I will regret as little as possible.
After all, I do have a Case A called yesterday.

Before, when I rode a ship, the captain said something like this:
“A ship proceeds while being pushed by the unexpected tides in this vast sea without any direction marks. That is why to confirm whether it's sailing straight or not, we check by looking back and seeing whether the ship is leaving a straight line of white bubbles.”

During that time I thought, “Nah, I'll just look at the radar,” but these days I really like what the captain said. I don't distinctly remember whether what he said was really this cool though.

Hence I will become a ship-like person.

In this vast and deep sea called the world, among the direction marks where there are no distinct things but real and fake things are all mixed up, while being pushed by different waves, hesitating, succeeding, doubting, failing, regretting, hesitating yet again, failing, regretting and succeeding again and sometimes looking backing…

Nishikido Ryo will navigate through the sea [ship icon]

デビーちゃん [userpic]
01/22 200801221218
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at June 30th, 2008 (04:52 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : worried
♪Current Song♪: One Republic - Apologize

I am currently heading towards Kyoto.
Not heading over there for work but for private.
I am going to go visit the temples.
I'm going to go delve into the Japanese culture.

デビーちゃん [userpic]
01/15 200801152338
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at June 30th, 2008 (04:50 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : sad

I am currently riding on a shinkansen. This will be my first time in Osaka since it turned 2008. I'm going back home. It's been a while, but I think I will be able to see my family. The number of members in my family has decreased.

Chibi, the dog that the Nishikido family has been taking care of ever since I was a 1st grader, died on January 8th.

The origin of his name is just as the name implies, it was because he was small.

He quickly grew big. He was a kind dog who attached to anyone and never once was I bitten. Whenever the Nishikido family went on a trip, we went by car. Chibi often went on those trips. Chibi, who was always tied with a chain and lived within a 2 meter radius, would run through lawns and seashores, recapturing the innate canine spirit. The whole family used to laugh when he made pig like sounds with his nose.

When he was little, we used to walk him a lot.
He had a habit of eating everything, so we had to constantly watch him on the walks.

He was strong and there was a time when my little sister was dragged when she was still a child. My father was the one who properly trained him. Chibi was able to follow the commands: hand, another helping, sit, wait and roll.

Regrettably, I have no memories other than that.

Starting from middle school, I don't have any memory of taking turns walking the dog or giving it breakfast or lunch.

When I was young, I used to walk him many times in one day, making him tired and waking him up even though he is sleeping, picking him up…

How did I look in Chibi's eyes?
What did he think of me, even when I would come home on occasion, I would open the door without saying anything to him.

Conveniently using the excuse that he cannot talk back, I hurt him.

Beginning from last year, it seems that Chibi started to act out of character, such as biting my mother when she tried to give him food.

The one who informed me of Chibi's death was my oldest brother.

My older brother, who got along with Chibi more than anyone and who adored and walked Chibi the most.

To be completely honest, I don't know what to write right now.

I just don't know.

Note: Chibi means small.

デビーちゃん [userpic]
01/08 200801081452
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at June 30th, 2008 (04:46 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

I went to see SHOCK.
Ohkura was working hard.
I cried even on the most unexpected parts.
Yara-kun's fighting scene was very cool.
Koichi-kun is most definitely amazing.

The night ocean greatly shook my heart.

Since the theater was cold, during the course of the show I kept on shivering so I thought I caught a cold, but it had nothing to do with the air temperature.
I simply was getting goose bumps from SHOCK itself.
Those of you going, it is best to be prepared.

There is no better stimulation for me than seeing with my own eyes a member from the same group in his individual project.

As being one of the members who can give that kind of stimulation, I would like to try my best.

I am going to seriously try my hardest.

Next will be my last saddest J-web.
Will Ryo-chan be okay? 

デビーちゃん [userpic]
01/03 200801031520
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at May 28th, 2008 (05:54 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : calm

I'm going to try my best
Year 2008
I'm going to try my best


デビーちゃん [userpic]
12/26 200712261855
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at May 28th, 2008 (05:46 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: NEWS - TEPPEN

Tonkotsu ramen
I want to eat.


デビーちゃん [userpic]
12/19 200712191517
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at May 28th, 2008 (05:32 pm)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: NEWS - Fiesta

I wonder why?
For the second time today,
Refused by a cab.










Return home

Celebrating mood



Ryo's association games makes much more sense in Japanese. Vegetable is "yasai" in Japanese, so I think that is why he chose to name "Maasai" because it rhymes with it? Also, defendant is "hikoku" and Shikoku rhymes with it. Return home is "kikoku". 

デビーちゃん [userpic]
12/13 200712131500
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at February 16th, 2008 (12:16 am)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: NEWS - Dreams

A hangover
I know I can't stop it, but
Take a hair of the dog. 


"Take a hair of the dog" supposedly means to drink something that cures a hangover.

デビーちゃん [userpic]
12/05 200712050243
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at February 16th, 2008 (12:08 am)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: NEWS - Dreams

Scar tissue
Scratched it again,
Blood oozes out.


Okay Ryo...

デビーちゃん [userpic]
11/29 200711291147
by デビーちゃん (debbie_chan)
at February 16th, 2008 (12:00 am)

✭ Current mood✭ : busy
♪Current Song♪: 錦戸亮 - Potential

Takes 5 shots,
Takes 10 more.


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